underneath whiteness

i am not the shit nor am i a piece of shit i'm a descendent of prioritizing family security over solidarity, of silent suffering over radical embodiment, of believing difference is a threat and difference in human worth exists. i am not the shit nor am i a piece of shit but i did inherit a chronic disease called white supremacy. mentally stumbling around with a superiority complex, straight jacket overlaid on my emotional body, fearing the power of the pelvis, fearing the pain of people less privileged than me. microaggressions and bias an invasive species on the family tree. learned at the fresh age of soap in my mouth, grinding teeth at night scared to call a thing a thing in the daylight. all these allowances to hoard trauma in my body, bury me alive the digging comes from truth tellers as friends, co-workers, cultural leaders ask to be heard without numb ears

comes from googling "whiteness"

image in mirror more harmful than it appears the digging

starts happening from inside too like there's another me

locked up and wild screaming to keep breathing while the shovel is breaking through i don't know if i'll ever be fully dug up

but as long as i call a thing a thing and prioritize solidarity over perfection center someone else's feelings and experiences when they are most impacted and keep digging liberation has a pathway through me liberation has a friend to introduce me to as long as i remember... i am not the shit nor am i a piece of shit i'm part of a movement that's working on turning this shit into gold